The first time I bought makeup designed to cover my facial scars, the woman helping me was more nervous than I was. While both of us quaked with anxiety, she showed me how to remove a small amount of the full-coverage foundation from its jar, warm it on the back of my hand, and then apply it to the scars on my face. For the first time, I was seeing myself without what I had come to think of as my defining feature.
When I was two and a half, I was attacked by the family dog. I received over 50 stitches, and was left with scars on my chin, forehead, and left temple. I couldn’t remember a time before the scars, and for much of my childhood, I barely acknowledged them. Curious classmates would sometimes want to hear the story, but usually I was left alone. That changed, of course: I distinctly remember the first time a boy in middle school called me “scarface.” My vision went blank and I took a swing at him, which he dodged. As I got older, people were generally less cruel, but I still struggled with my self esteem and the feeling that my scars were the first thing people noticed about me, the thing kept me from being beautiful.
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As I started to wear makeup, I wondered if anything could hide my scars. My makeup-averse mother couldn’t offer any advice. After much trial and error I discovered that drugstore brand makeup couldn’t do much. I would try new brands that bragged about covering “imperfections,” but much of the makeup I tried was simply too light; I didn’t understand at the time that I needed to look for “full coverage” as I assumed all foundations worked the same way. Often, the makeup was designed to give a shiny, “glowing” look, which can actually make scars more visible. Slowly, I acquired a drawer full of bottles in varying shades, none of which could cover my scars, no matter how much time I spent patiently applying them.
It was my mother who first saw an ad for Dermablend in a magazine and pointed it out to me. Dermablend was makeup for people like me: those who had scars, skin disorders, tattoos, or other issues they wanted to cover. In one of the first advertisements I saw for the product, they showed a dark-skinned African American woman with vitiligo, a skin condition where patches of skin lose their pigment. The “before” picture showed her with patches of light and dark skin on her face. The “after” showed her with her natural skin tone, the pigmentless skin invisible underneath the product. The choice was hers.
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