There is a war splitting this great nation in two. This war is not fought on the battlefields, but in our very own trick or treat bags. Its name is candy corn. The divisive candy pokes its pointy, tri-colored head into the national conversation every Halloween. Each October, feuds are ignited over the small, artificially colored treats. Brothers and sisters, friends and family, all savagely torn apart by the ongoing question: Is candy corn classic or trash?
Surely, musicians must have opinions on this issue, we thought. So we started hitting up all the musicians we know. Like it was October 31, we went door to door to every musician we knew, texting, DMing, IMing, and emailing them all. After reminding them who the hell we were, we laid the question on them: What do you think of candy corn? Delicious or disgusting? Here are the responses of those who had free time on their hands. In their own words.
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Naturally, we had some vocal opponents on #TeamTrash…
Albert Hammond Jr., The Strokes:
Gross.
Fat Nick:
I hate candy corn, candy corn sucks, it’s like old people candy. I feel like people who don’t care about Halloween pass it to the kids to make ’em depressed.
Ezra Koenig, Vampire Weekend:
I wasn’t raised with candy corn. I thought it was something from the 50’s like the ham with pimentos in it. Now I see it everywhere so I tried some and it’s pretty good. I would definitely consider buying some for my next Halloween party… if the price is right.
Chris Farren:
Candy Corn, much like pancakes, Outback Steakhouse, and listening to the Beatles, is something I often circle back to annually, totally forgetting how much it sucks.
Grey Gordon:
As a vegan, I can no longer eat it. However, as a consummate consumer of candy throughout my life, I can say with certainty that candy corn is trash disguised as a classic. This is a full scale conspiracy on par with Area 51, and it is an affront to all things good and pure.
Rozwell Kid:
Hether Fortune, Wax Idols:
Hate it. Tastes like plastic. Aesthetically hideous as well.
Michael Berdan, Uniform:
I would rather suck Satan’s dick until he ejaculates hot dog shit inside my mouth than taste candy corn ever again. It is the candy equivalent of cancer. I might hate it more than war and famine combined.
Kari Faux:
Candy corn is terrible and if you give it out to kids this year, you’re a terrible person. I personally don’t like the flavor or the texture.
Justice Tripp, Angel Dust / Trapped Under Ice:
Candy corn is a cheap joke for losers to give to trick or treaters because they are too broke and selfish to take their ass to get some delicately packaged Skittles or Twix bars. Shame on you, candy corn house.
Riley Gale, Power Trip:
Candy corn is like seven percent car wax, 25 percent corn syrup. TRASH.
Sanford Parker, Producer:
I’d rather lick a homeless guy’s butthole.
Tunde Olaniran:
Anytime I see some racist mess, I think “that’s some candy corn chowder bullshit.” For example: “Ugh did you see Kim Davis walking out like the god damn messiah? That is on some Candy Corn Chowder bullshit. Or that Texas textbook that said slaves were migrant workers or whatever. Candy corn is just so pointless and basic and it seems like it’s always there even though nobody wants it and its existence means some other more meaningful candy wasn’t able to be made instead. It’s just worthless and I hate it and judge people that like it but you know to each their own I GUESS.
Raury:
I always separated them from my candy pile. Candy corn is slick sus.
Ariana Grande, who was nice enough to answer our question two years in advance:
Dan Barrett, Have A Nice Life:
Xem thêm : Randy Couch
Absolute trash.
Evan Weiss, Into It. Over It.:
Mark Quinlan, Hop Along:
Total trash. Crappy corn. Rather eat a toenail clipping.
via Flickr
There were also some proud supporters on #TeamClassic…
Mac Miller:
Tanner Jones, You Blew It!:
I love the stuff. SMALL DOSES THOUGH. Any more than an handful and you’re dealing with some bobo-ass sugar cones.
Meredith Graves, Perfect Pussy:
Laura Jane Grace, Against Me!:
Brendan Murphy, Counterparts:
I love it. I don’t know why. It’s pretty miserable, but every year on Halloween I’ll eat enough to last the rest of the year. I know when I’m eating them that they suck but for some reason I keep going.
Day Wave:
Blake Harrison, Pig Destroyer:
Total classic. Total class.
Joshua Balz, Motionless In White:
Classic.
Luwayne Glass, Dreamcrusher:
K L A S S I C. HAHAHHA.
George Clarke, Deafheaven:
Candy Corn is pretty good. “Candy Blind” is a great song and Candy Follow the Leader wasn’t too bad of an album.
Nathan Hardy, Microwave:
Classic, of course.
Bryan Aiken, Lazer Wulf
I’m a fan 😀
Orion Oblivion, Ilsa:
I love it, but I like gross candy.
Lee Buford, The Body:
I hate candy corn but my love of candy overrides any semblance of dignity I have, therefore I’ll eat it until I feel like I’m gonna puke.
Eddie Veliz, Kyng:
Although the nostalgia of candy corn is always a part of classic Halloween, it never was super awesome once it went into your mouth. Candy corn is like that friend that you only care to hang out with once a year for two minutes.
TUT:
I used to fuck with candy corn haha it was good when I was a kid, I don’t eat it no more tho (pause) my pops use to give me big ass bags of that candy when I was little.
And then there were some international people who didn’t know what the fuck we were talking about…
Frank Turner:
Nathan Hewitt, Cheatahs:
“What is candy corn?”
Dave Rowntree, Blur:
Mish Way, White Lung:
A-Trak:
THUMPERS:
Some people, like Lana Del Rey, chose to remain silent on the issue…
Some people took a more ambivalent, nuanced opinion. We shall call them #CornAgnostics…
Brian Fallon, The Gaslight Anthem:
I don’t personally like it but I feel like in this day and age of change a mile a minute, I’d like my candy corn to just be there to make it feel like Halloween. I miss the standards sometimes.
Donmonique:
When I think of candy corn, I think of Halloween. I feel like you can’t have one without the other. I don’t really think candy corn is that good. Even though I know a lot of people who do enjoy it, to me it’s there mainly for decoration not something I would eat.
Ronnie Vannucci, Jr., The Killers:
Adam Turla, Murder by Death:
Classic trash. I will shamefully eat them but am aware they are nonsense.
Thom Wasluck, Planning For Burial
Trash but classic.
Autre Ne Veut:
Ha no strong feelings tbh. Don’t really eat it but I do prefer the brown candy corn and you can quote me on that. It’s like a tiny nib of stale tootsie roll, and I like tootsie rolls.
Laura Stevenson:
Alex Winston:
It’s classic trash.
Stavros Giannopolous, The Atlas Moth:
Uh it can be ok. I don’t understand the extreme hatred for it but I’m not a flag waver.
Casey Hansen, Cult Leader:
People back in the day put radium on watches, put lead in paint, confused physical abuse with parenting, hunted species into extinction for fun, were bigoted in every way possible, and loved candy corn. Do you want to be on the right side of history or the wrong one?
Mitch Wells, Thou:
Pumpkins or gtfo. Though starburst makes some now that are dooooopeeee.
El-P, Run the Jewels:
And perhaps the most vocal supporter, Ian Farmer of Modern Baseball, wrote this passionate defense of the candy corn. Since there is no way to top this, we will let him have the last word…
Candy corn? Trash?!? Ha. Candy corn has always been the classic candy for me. As far back as I can remember, I have memories of just digging into a tub of the triangular delight until my parents pried it out of my grasp or I could no longer stand the burn of the intense concentration of sugar in my esophagus. Why is it so wonderful, you may ask? Well that’s a dumb question, but I will answer it anyway.First, we have its appearance. The ever so appetizing orange, yellow, and white trifecta reminiscent of a glowing golden flame all in one bite sized candy fang. If eating a flaming fang (or many flaming fangs) doesn’t seem cool to you, you are clearly very lame. And if you’re lucky, you’ve stumbled upon the harvest mix-full of fall colors and miniature pumpkins to satisfy your sweet tooth as the leaves turn, the air gets colder and all water turns to apple cider.Next, we have the texture and taste. That chewy, meaty, sweet texture that everybody just cannot get enough of, accomplished with a magical amount of honey, gelatin, and sugar. Sinking my teeth into a handful of candy corn is not unlike what I imagine sinking my teeth into God him/herself is like. “Just like heaven” I think the saying goes.Finally, we have its history and importance in my own lineage. Believe it or not, the last name Farmer is not just a coincidence. For centuries, the Farmer family lived in the hills of England farming the greatest crop of all. That’s right. My family harvested candy corn. Much more fun, tasty and loved than its nutrition-less garbage waste, non-candy cousin, “corn,” the crop had the Farmer family living happily and contently until its farms were all destroyed in the world wide tragedy that was World War II.So, this October I am flipping both middle fingers to the candy corn haters as I dig face first into my Freddy Krueger candy bowl filled to the brim with delicious, delicious candy corn.
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