I haven’t heard anything yet — but I’m hopeful, and if nothing else, SO glad I did it!
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Anywho, while I was in the waiting room with the other hopefuls, I met an interesting breed of foodies: The Foodie One-Uppers.
This breed of foodies is much like any breed of foodies-they talk incessantly about food, they dream about food, their lives are centered around food. However, they have a genetic deformity which causes them to prattle on and on and onnnnn about how much better they are than anyone else. They are the foodiest of foodies and they will stop at noooothing to make sure you know that.
As I was nervously waiting my turn to audition, I couldn’t help but hear the foodie one-upping that was engulfing the room. I’m sorry, but listening to two super healthy, gluten-free foodies one-up each other is probably the reason why Vincent Van Gogh lopped off his own ear as I certainly debated doing the same.
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“Our bakery uses a special, locally-made rice flour.” “Well OUR bakery uses a special, locally-made rice flour that’s all organic.” “Oh yeah? Well OURS is organic, too, AND non-GMO.” “Well.. yeah, ours is non-GMO, too, AND it’s cruelty free.” “Yeah, not only is ours cruelty-free as well, but it also cures cancer.”
I never really thought two people could and would one-up each other so hard over rice flour.
“Have you ever made a quinoa brittle?” “Well DUH.” “Okay, well one time I made a quinoa brittle that was free of QUINOA!!” “Oh really? Because one time I made a quinoa-free quinoa brittle that had super powers.” “That’s cute, because my super-power quinoa-but-not-really-quinoa-brittle transforms into a robot on command.”
I kept having to remind myself that they were bickering over quinoa. No offense to that circular grain but, you really are not all that and a bag of chips. And I would never fight over you.
“Where I’m from, my bakery is extremely popular among the gluten-free people. It’s been featured in magazines and local papers a bunch of times.” “That’s nice. Where I live, my restaurant has been featured on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives.” “Oh yeah? Well my bakery has been featured on Cupcake Wars… and I won.” “Oh, you won Cupcake Wars? That’s cute. I won Iron Chef.” “That’s nice, but I actually won Extreme Iron Chef, which is when the Iron Chefs have to cook with no utensils and use cruelty-free, vegan quinoa to make brittle in 118 degree weather.” “How interesting! Except I won Extreme Iron Chef AND I was recognized by the President.”
I couldn’t wait to get out of that room and as far away from Foodie One-Uppers as humanly possible. And I pretty pretty promise you that when I win Food Network Star and eventually get my own show, I neeeeever will Foodie One-Up anyone. OR make quinoa brittle because ain’t nobody got time for that.
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Take a bite… and then tell Bob and Suzie that I need my own show already, sheeeeeeesh.
*recipe adapted from Bridget
Have a delicious day!!
xo, Hayley
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This post was last modified on November 16, 2024 3:31 am