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Nix bun for Five Guys’ almost guilt-free lettuce burger

The new year is here, and that means lofty resolutions that obviously can’t ever be fulfilled, though they will get a lot of effort (in January, at least).

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I toyed with resolving to revamp my diet and workout regime and become a supermodel by April. But shooting for something actually attainable, I have resolved to stop eating things that make me feel bad. So, inspired by an article in Men’s Health magazine, my buddy and I picked our first Lunch Bunch destination of the year: Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

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With such a New Year’s resolution, a burger joint might seem counter-intuitive. However, according to this particular article, an interview with one of those super-buff exercise mavens and cover models, the interviewee eats at Five Guys every Friday. He just remains smart about his intake. The secret: Five Guys will replace your hamburger bun with two leaves of iceberg lettuce, reducing the indulgence to virtually zero carbs (before the fries, that is).

Five Guys has been in Wichita Falls for several years. I haven’t been back in a couple of years, but the place remains a favorite of one of my exercise-enthusiast friends (I’m noticing a trend). Across from Sikes Senter, the eatery isn’t the easiest restaurant to drive to or to park at, but my buddy and I finagled our way in, anyway.

The interior of Five Guys seems clean to me, both by design and hygiene. The bright red accents, along with laminated copies of reviews of Five Guys burgers stapled to the walls, gives this restaurant a great balance between hometown burger joint and nationwide restaurant chain. Also, the tables and windows were clean. As our readers know, that weighs heavily on our scoring.

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Five Guys has a simple menu: Pick your base (burger or cheeseburger with or without bacon, hot dog with or without bacon or cheese, or one of Five Guys’ lesser-known sandwiches), pick what you want on it from a vast list of free toppings ranging from lettuce and tomato to A1 Steak Sauce and green peppers, then pick your drink and fries, if you so desire.

Since I was there on a mission, I wanted to copy (to some degree) the order I read about. The statuesque Men’s Health model’s meal: two lettuce burgers, medium Cajun fries, medium regular fries and a large Coke Zero. I went with one lettuce burger (with lettuce, tomato, pickles, mustard, onions and grilled green peppers, $5.99), small Cajun fries ($2.59), and a large Coke Zero ($2.39).

My buddy, not quite back on the healthy diet kick, ordered a bacon cheese dog with onion, mayonnaise and ketchup ($5.29), small regular fries, and a large soda. I wasn’t so sure about mayo on a hot dog, but my buddy seemed confident, so I didn’t question him. Altogether, our order was $23 even.

Something I forgot about until we were waiting for our food: Five Guys offers complimentary peanuts (Coke and peanuts, anyone?). While I was getting my Coke Zero, my buddy noticed they also carry Cherry Coke and caffeine-free Diet Coke (almost the whole Coke family!). And to top it off, while some soda fountains make the drinks taste weird, Five Guys has the good kind of soda fountain – an important factor.

Finally, the greasy brown paper bags were brought to our table, and my buddy and I dug in. To my surprise (but not his), my buddy’s bacon cheese dog with mayo was delicious! The dog was sliced in half lengthwise and grilled before being placed between the buttery, grilled buns. My buddy said this was in his top five best hot dogs he’s ever had.

My lettuce burger came wrapped in two layers of tin foil. At first it looked like an intimidating pile of lettuce and hamburger, but I was able to tame it, pick it up and take a huge bite. Even though I missed that buttery bun, this is definitely a guilt-free way to enjoy a burger while eating smart. All the veggies were crisp, and the patty was tasty. I would recommend forgoing the grilled peppers for the sake of cleanliness (you’ll need plenty of napkins at Five Guys, no matter what).

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As for the fries, Cajun or regular, you can’t go wrong. Even in the small size, our bags were full of those delicious, thick fries!

All in all, my Five Guys burger was not the most amazing one I’ve ever had. But that lettuce trick will be handy in the coming months when I want a burger but not a stomach ache – and the dogs and fries are great, to boot. We give Five Guys four out of five forks.